So I’ve had depression since I was 16, up until I was 19 I silently “coped” with it, it wasn’t until I was convinced to go to the doctors by my friend that I actually started getting help.
I was told when I was pregnant there was a higher chance of me getting PND (pre/post natal depression), not really something I wanted to hear, as if the idea of becoming a parent wasn’t scary enough, the midwives wanted to throw PND at me… so of course I was shitting it even more for becoming a mum, “what if the baby doesn’t like me” “what if we don’t bond and I don’t like her” (yes I actually thought I wouldn’t like her hahaha). Believe it or not me and Heidi hit it off straight away and having her levelled out my moods!
A had a few things happen last year which sent my depression off the rails again and put me at my lowest so now I take medication for my depression every day, something I’ve never wanted to actually do but I’ve found it’s helped me a lot, I’ve actually started speaking about my feelings more, again something I’ve never liked doing but I’ve found it’s really helped, it also helps that I’ve got really supportive friends that are always there to listen to me chat shit about anything.
Having depression is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having any mental health condition, I’m very open about my mental health as I feel it gives people a better understanding as to why I react certain ways to things.
Some days are better than others and Heidi is extremely clever so it’s hard to hide my sad days away from her, but for 2 and a half she’s incredibly supportive “it’s okay mumma you’re poorly, cuddle my bestfriend?” As Heidi gets older I will be making her aware of my depression because I want her to grow up not being afraid to share her feelings like I have been in the past!