Like any expectant mother I was so scared to give birth, excited but so scared and not even for pushing Heidi out I just didn’t want my vagina poked and prodded by a random woman hahaha
So Heidi was due 17th August 2014 but being the stubborn cow that she is she arrived 8 days late!
Around 10pm on August 24th I started getting back ache, I didn’t think much of it so I chilled out and lay on my bed, around 1.30am I was speaking to Heidi’s dad on the phone when all of a sudden my stomach started to hurt, me being me passed it off as needing a poo, Around half an hour later the pain wasn’t shifting so I thought I’d get in the bath (something I love doing if I have any pain at all), the pains got stronger so I rang my mum. Pros of living round the corner from my family, my mum whizzed round and by 2:45am I was contracting every 4 minutes, we rang for an ambulance and it arrived half an hour later.
Whilst in the ambulance I tried gas and air and threw up my mums lasagne from the evening before, the paramedic hit a pot hole in the road and that sent my contractions sharper, when we arrived at the hospital the midwives weren’t fussed by me arriving and they put me on a monitor (they said 10 minutes but that turned into 45), in that time I started moaning at my mum for rubbing my back wrong, poor woman got all my abuse! Just before 5am I was checked to see how dialated I was and I was 5cms, so off we went to the birth centre, after some confusion from a midwife sending me to the wrong area we arrived at the birth centre, whilst they filled the bath I tried gas and air again and my god it was the best drugs I’ve ever had!
I ran to the bath (yep a heavily pregnant contracting Madison ran to get in the bath) I spent the next 5 hours in that bath on the gas and air refusing to speak to anyone, I grunted every time I was asked a question and put my thumbs up to say I was fine, my mum sat behind me the entire time (I made it clear to her she wasn’t to look at my lady area hahaha), around 10.20am I started pushing, it literally felt like my fu was being burned, the best way to describe it is a watermelon covered in sandpaper, it was the worst pain ever (even though I honestly cannot remember the pain fully now), so at 10.37am on August 25th 2014 Heidi graced us with her presence, she came flying out superman style!
I’d honestly go through it all again it was the best experience and day of my life!
So I’ve had depression since I was 16, up until I was 19 I silently “coped” with it, it wasn’t until I was convinced to go to the doctors by my friend that I actually started getting help.
I was told when I was pregnant there was a higher chance of me getting PND (pre/post natal depression), not really something I wanted to hear, as if the idea of becoming a parent wasn’t scary enough, the midwives wanted to throw PND at me… so of course I was shitting it even more for becoming a mum, “what if the baby doesn’t like me” “what if we don’t bond and I don’t like her” (yes I actually thought I wouldn’t like her hahaha). Believe it or not me and Heidi hit it off straight away and having her levelled out my moods!
A had a few things happen last year which sent my depression off the rails again and put me at my lowest so now I take medication for my depression every day, something I’ve never wanted to actually do but I’ve found it’s helped me a lot, I’ve actually started speaking about my feelings more, again something I’ve never liked doing but I’ve found it’s really helped, it also helps that I’ve got really supportive friends that are always there to listen to me chat shit about anything.
Having depression is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having any mental health condition, I’m very open about my mental health as I feel it gives people a better understanding as to why I react certain ways to things.
Some days are better than others and Heidi is extremely clever so it’s hard to hide my sad days away from her, but for 2 and a half she’s incredibly supportive “it’s okay mumma you’re poorly, cuddle my bestfriend?” As Heidi gets older I will be making her aware of my depression because I want her to grow up not being afraid to share her feelings like I have been in the past!
When I was younger I never imagined I’d be a single parent, I dreamed of having a perfect little family, but unfortunately that was nothing more than a dream for me.
I was with Heidi’s dad for a year before I got pregnant, we had planned to have Heidi at 25, a few weeks before my 20th I found out I was pregnant… so that didn’t go to plan did it…
Me and Heidi’s dad had a rocky relationship and throughout my pregnancy we didn’t get along, which resulted in arguments and him cheating on me, my hormones were all over the place so I stayed put… 2 months after Heidi was born we spilt for good.
Now I won’t lie being a single parent is hard, but at least I can look back on Heidi’s first years and be so proud of myself for getting this far raising her on my own. It’s not impossible to get things done when you’re a single parent I don’t care what anyone says.
Here’s some things I do to help me get stuff done;
- Order my foodshop online, not only does it save the stress of actually having to go out in public, I don’t have to deal with Heidi kicking off. Iceland is my favourite to order from.
- Include Heidi in my cleaning routine, not only does she copy me exactly, she’s learning for when she’s older, or for when she makes mess… just this morning she spilt her breakfast on my sofa… “get the cleaning stuff mummy”.
- Do all the cleaning and washing as soon as Heidi gets me up, you read that right, she gets me up.
- Plan ahead, I help Heidi to pack her own nursery bag on the nights before nursery and she helps me get my work clothes organised in return.
- Bow down to Peppa pig, fireman sam and paw patrol for giving me 5 minutes of peace to go to the toilet ALONE.
Every parent loses their shit from time to time I actually do think us single parents lose our shit less, as we don’t have another person to blame for our children’s shitty attitudes towards us nor to we have a man child to tidy up after, win win really isn’t it!
Heidi’s only recently started contact with her dad and his family again so maybe now I’ll be able to have a few hours to myself every once in a while, I’ve already got a list of things to do…. starfish in bed undisturbed is top of my list!
But yeah single parenting is possible, we do the same amount of stuff as other parents do, just with one pair of hands instead of two.
If you haven’t wanted to list your child as an item on ebay and sell them off, then you’re the type of parent that scares the living shit out of me… the parents with their shit together.
Carrying a baby and giving birth is piss easy compared to actually raising them, they’re alright before the age of 1, after that it’s downhill. Well for me it’s been like that, Heidi was such a content newborn then she decided to grow some attitude and I’m not lying guys sometimes I want to do an actual exorcism on her because I’m convinced she could really be the spawn of Satan.
I argue back with my two year old and half the time it’s me that ends up backing down, not because she intimidates me (although she can be quite scary), but because I’m 23 years old why on earth am I arguing with a 2 year old about what shoes she should be wearing… you wanna wear your wellies on a sunny day then go ahead kid, you’re the one that will look a twat not me.
Does parenting get easier? I bloody well hope so! I’ve been winging it for 2 years now, and I don’t seem to be doing too bad, she’s still breathing.
Hands up… who’s that mother who mutters that their child is a little shit under their breath? or maybe it’s slipped out as you’re chasing after them in a busy shop….
Hi I’m Madison and I’m a frequent user of nicknames such as little fucker and little shit when it comes to describing my 2 and a half year old daughter Heidi.
As a first time mum I had no idea what to expect when it comes to motherhood, I listened to numerous stories and read countless books but even with all that knowledge nothing prepared me for what I was letting myself in for. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mum, Heidi is without a doubt the best thing to ever happen to me (so cringe but so true), she drives me insane 100% of the time but I wouldn’t trade her in for anything….. well maybe a cat… maybe.